Thoughts

So my mind is working again

I was grumpy all day until the sun went down and I found another book to read


I picked wildflowers today and put them in a vase I made in ceramics.


I'm listening to love songs and not knowing what true, pure love will really feel like.



I have an idea of its power and energy and light....


But I don't know for sure



Something tells me it will feel akin to the love I feel for God.

Something tells me that the love I feel for God proves what my heart tells me.


My heart tells me I already love my husband.



But how can I love someone I've never met on this Earth?




Because I didn't fall in love with him on this Earth.



Just like my relationship with God is based on prior, half-forgotten memories, I love my husband because I have always loved him.




I think what I truly fear.... has nothing to do with me not realizing who he is when I meet him... or mistaking anyone else for being him.....


What I truly fear........











Is that he hasn't loved me all this time.




that he will never love me




and not because I am not good enough (I am)...


but because he simply doesn't



or his choices throughout life.....



have robbed him of those half-remembered memories


those memories that I have based all of my love on



with the hope that one day


I may make new memories with him.




I hope this will not happen



But I of all people know that things that should not happen, do happen.



That mistakes are made, and sometimes they are irrevocable and influence many lives.



But I cannot lose hope. I cannot let the fire of my heart die out just because of worry and fear.



Hopefully, one day, I may meet him.


And we will become great friends.


and we may love with a love stronger than any earthly love.






And We shall prevail.