Body

Sometimes I hate the physical barriers my body has.
Sometimes I hate the spiritual barriers my heart has.


Sometimes, I want to travel.

I want to get out there and explore and do good.

But then I remember all of the things I'd have to take care of while I'm out there

My pills for one.
I know I'll be in pain and won't be able to sleep and will be anxious if I don't take my meds everyday.

My skin for two.
I know I'm more susceptible to skin cancer since it's in my family.

My sleep for three.
I know I need all of my sleep every night or I won't last long

My fibromyalgia for four.
I know it makes it harder for me to do physical activity. High tolerance for pain or not.

My spiritual well-being for five.
I know how easy it is to lose track of the Spirit when I'm away from my family and supportive friends

Where would I get the sacrament every week?
I know I cannot go long without it.




And then I think about all of these things. And remember Father.

And know that it's all for a reason right now.

That I need to push down my yearning for travel until I'm ready.
Until I'm strong enough


It may take days, it may take months, it may even take years. All depends on what I'm trying to do. I may not ever be able to do whatever it is I want to do.


The long run stuff, the big stuff, none of that is spontaneous. But that doesn't mean that the everyday stuff, the little stuff, the stuff that is spontaneous, isn't worth it.


Maybe that's why it's okay that I don't know what I'm gonna do with my career. Because if I did, then I'd feel so tied down that I would shatter.