Strength

So many things.


A giant emotional roller coaster within my heart


My dying father.


He's spiritually attacking me, and although many people won't believe me, and probably won't even know.....


As I say it here...


It makes me feel better


It gives me the strength.


The night brings peace, but the night brings vulnerability, too.


I must stay strong while I prepare to bed, so that my spiritual vulnerability may be a little less. So that when I wake, and go through the day, pessimism and sorrow will not plague my heart as it could.



I want to be strong.


I know I am strong inside.


I've felt it before this started happening.



And I feel that those instances were in preparation for this time.


But I cannot feel that strength now.


I can only plead Heavenly Father to lend me some of his eternal protection.



That I may sever the connection I bare with my earthly father so that he may not plague me so.



At first, I did not know the implications of creating a barrier between me and my wretched father.




But I realized it two nights ago.




I feel as though I must deny the father of my birth, that spiritual tie we all feel, though we may not recognize it.


If I don't, I will be open to his torture. Though he will never understand what he is doing to me, I cannot bear it.



Somehow, gradually I will find the strength once more that lies within me.


Somehow, I will create a barrier so strong between us, that he can no longer hurt me.


That I will no longer feel that connection between father and daughter.


That I will no longer feel his spiritual pain as my own, and be tortured by it.



That I will no longer be his daughter.


And will mourn such a loss.



And will cry.


















And never feel his torture again.