Before and Now

Before, last year.

Emotions would take hold of me in their fists.

I would exhaust myself, describing those emotions in exaggerated details.

Now... those moments of immense, beautiful, painful emotions have become something else.

Moments of pain and uncerainty and anxiety.

Moments when my barrier would be weak and Satan would enter my heart.

I've cried to Father to help me understand how to rid my heart of these moments.

I've cried to Him, to help me have moments of clarity and vividity but without pain and sorrow.

He has answered me.

My heart was open and seeking Him, and He placed the answer in my mind and I set it in my heart.

So, what I want to say is that if you ever were in my company during one of those moments of sadness and anxiety, I am sorry.

I am trying to train myself to see the complexity outside of myself.

To bring back the poetic beauty of my mind, but in the light instead of the dark as before.

I ask you to disregard whatever I said or did in my dark moments.

I know it may be a lot to ask, but it is all I can do for now.

The only thing I can do until the moment comes.

When I successfully transform my dark moments into bright moments filled with the Spirit.

When I can describe in breathtaking detail the beauty I see everyday.

I thank you, dearest friends for being patient with me, for looking past the fog and trying to see the beauty behind the darkness.

For seeing the person I will become.

For seeing the person I am willing to fight for more than anything on this earth.

Once I get her out, I'll be able to pay you back for your undaunted kindness.

To show you the love I have always harbored for you.

I love you all, dearests of my heart,

Elisabeth