stuff

I've been on night walks the past two days. I've walked the same place each time. There's one tree that I pass.


The outline of its branches are invisible against the soft glow of the street light. It makes the branches look like one big spider web with a ball of light for a center.

Other words were supposed to come into my slim little fingers and onto the sticky keyboard.


I want to go outside. I want the air to be warm with a warm breeze. I want to go to a great field that's nearby. I want to lay on it and let the dew cool my hot skin. I want to talk until my eyes burn when I blink and my mouth is weary and my cheeks hurt from smiling. I want to laugh and know that someone lays next to me.


I met someone. They understood me like no one has understood. They showed a new perspective. A new way to see myself.


I want that in my eternal companion. I don't think he is the person I met, but he showed a characteristic that I will look for in my husband.



Because of him, and because of the new things that happened, I have attained two new ways to see myself.



The first, I've hinted at.

I can see God in everything. I love nature because it reminds me of God. This allows me to love all seasons. I do not know if this also allows me to live anywhere. This is a complicated thing, because the spirit of a place may not agree with me, and also the people may not be very.... positive



The second, I've learned through my family.

I am strong. I have a deep reservoir of strength hidden within me. My mom does not think that I know it's depth, but I don't know about that. I feel the strength within me, it echoes cool and peaceful, but that does not mean that I am ready for what is to come.




That is the other thing. My family and myself have always felt that something big is coming. That something is going to happen that will change everything. Because of this feeling, we try to prepare ourselves. My sister thinks that because of my strength, I am ready for what is to come. But I don't know. I guess I do not have that much belief in myself. I feel that, although I do have immense strength, it will not be enough for what is to come. That there are things I still need to learn. Lessons that need to be taught and things that need to be said.