lillies and orchids.

I want to paint.

To take something in my hands... something that will fill my hands until it spills over onto the floor and creates something beautiful.

Twisted words and conjured up meanings.



Sometimes I feel empty.

Sometimes I feel so full... nothing else could mean anything to me






Words...
they are energy...


but they are not substantial.

I cannot hold them in my hands and feel their essence.




But
paints...

clay...

earth...


I am mostly an energy kind of girl.

My medium is usually things that have energy,


but not a substance that you can feel with your hands....

Writing... music...




But
clay...

earth...

paints...


I may not be able to express myself with them as well....

but they...

You can hold them in your hands and know...


just...


...know



So really, I want to take a few canvases... and get a hold of a studio...

and pour color into my hands.



doesn't that sound.... magic?



pour color into my hands.


and just stand on one canvas.

just stand there...

With the colors swirling all around me.



Letting it touch my face.

My toes.

My legs.

Paint everywhere.

paint in all colors swirling. Never really losing their original color, but still mixing where they touch each other to create colors no one can describe

Except maybe God













I'd watch the paint pour and splash.



I'd watch it....



I'd smear my hands across the canvas on a stand. I'd crash my hands onto another canvas on the floor.


I'd listen to the beat of my heart in the quiet of the studio


I'd listen to my breath rasp and the paint splat where I thrash it onto the canvas.









I would cry.


and I would paint.


and I would feel the color in my hands.








and think of lillies and orchids