Letting Go

So yeah, I have this guy-friend.... We have a really twisted history... I've been wanting to leave the friendship for a while.... But I couldn't because I felt obligated to be an example to him. See, he's left the church... and I've watched as his pain and hatred grows and spreads. His eyes have become more and more clouded and his sight has become twisted. His parents either do not see the pain he is in or do not know how to help him. They yell at him, tell him he should be more like his brother who has his own faults. He does not understand many things. This past year he has left the church, and I see how he hates what the church can do to some people. See some people follow the church, but Satan still has power over them. They do not love and seek to understand those they care for. Their minds become narrow and their hearts shrink into withered forms of what they once were. He does not see the inner joy and light that the gospel brings. He has had no one be the positive example for him. I have tried to show him the positive. I have tried to stay by his side and comfort him. I have tried to show him the light and the life that the gospel brings. I have not done a good job. I have shown him my weaker side, the side of me that falters from the Spirit late at night. I have been influenced by his need and his wants. I have let myself bend my standards in order to try to help him. I cannot fool myself any longer. I tried to tell him this. The words were not said correctly, the feelings influenced my thoughts and my words. My great ache for him to feel the love of the Savior kept me from hearing the Spirit. I could not explain to him what I meant. I could not tell him that I could not see him. I could not tell him that I wished I could show him the piercing light that brings so much joy. I cannot lift him up from the ground, to turn his eyes to the light that shines through any darkness. I have failed him as a friend. But still, I cannot harbor anger towards myself for this. What's done is done. When I told him I could not see him but could still talk to him online and such, he wanted to cut off all communication. I waited for his anger to pass. I wished so hard in those few days that he would not become so hard-hearted as to not understand.
I spoke with him again yesterday. I still cannot see him again. He said that he would come to my school today for lunch. He never showed, or at least I never saw him. This is by far not the first time he has done this. I have wanted to just leave this friendship behind me completely, to be free of the ties that make me sad when he does not follow the Spirit, for many weeks now. I am almost to that point. There is only a small part of me that still wants him to come back to the light.
But I know even years from now, if I ever think on him again it will be in a subtle ache that he would have known the glories of God. That he would have witnessed the Pure Love of Christ. That he would finally come back home to the church and find someone to marry faithfully in the temple.

If you ever read this, I'm sorry if even now I still do not understand you. If my words are pointless and my thoughts are frivolous to you.