Constricting in my chest. I try to yawn, forcing the soft pallet up, trying to induce the action and failing miserably. I try once more, concentrating on my lungs, I force them to fill. I hope that it will happen. That moment I long for. The moment when a secret place inside of me seems to open up, the breath scoops down into my body and I am content. I feel the tension that builds in my neck, I lean my chin in my hand and twist my neck left then right. Two clicks to each turn, I try to breathe again. Once more, the second I get close to that secret, full breath my ribs freeze and I can't possibly get anymore air into me.
I feel as though half of my life has been spent on this struggle. If I stress myself out or don't get enough sleep I cannot breathe the next day. I cannot yawn.
I cannot breathe. Nothing is here, it gapes in front of me. I am desperate to breathe. Desperate for that secret place within me.
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