I keep my blog background filled with sun even though it's so dark here. I feel like I'm drowning in it. Yet I know that if I were by myself I would be able to temper the sadness sooner and more effectively. It's how I felt about Hawaii. I love being there, I just didn't care for who I was with. I watch over some kids and I hate it. I hate how people raise their kids, thinking to myself that I will not raise them in such a manner, that I know best. But I know that everyone is different, everyone makes mistakes, I could never be the perfect parent.
Yet I know the effects of a parent's mistake, I know how it changes everything in the child's life.
So I question whether or not to have children at all. And with these thoughts floating in my mind, the question begs to be asked.
Am I destined to travel the world, alone? To be in all these different places by myself with no one to share it with?
I want to be married, so desperately. But I know that my husband will get on my nerves most definitely. But am I supposed to hope that he does not get on my nerves as much as... say, my sister? Is that a given fact?
I want love. I want to be happy. Content. Joyous in the simple company of another soul.
I am not who I was. I am not where I used to be. And yet... I still feel the same in some ways.
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