Yes It's been a While

I haven't written in a while, as anyone could notice.  It's seven minutes until Christmas Day, but I don't really mind.

See, writing has sort of... fallen away in my life.  I'm writing in my journal and expressing my feelings, but I don't like sharing those feelings with anyone outside the written page.  Maybe I've become afraid.  Afraid of what other people think and afraid of all the things in my head. 

I feel like I've explained this a thousand times.

Writting for me has always originated in one place in my mind.  Where emotions are concentrated and more vivid then they're normally felt.  Because emotions are tainted, so is that place.  I don't really know how else to explain it other than to say, I don't like it there. 

I've ignored my writing for over a year now.  I'm trying to see things as they really are, not as that dark space would have me think. 

But I think some day I'll be able to come back to it, because really writing is only as dark as I make it to be.  Somehow I'll learn to rid it of darkness, of the shadow.  I think I have already, I just don't know how to write from it anymore, it's all new and shiny and bright and I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with positivity.

How do you tell the world that everything is alright in the end and that all they need is faith, hope, and charity?

I guess the only thing to do is write a story of hardship and self discovery and hope and faith.

I guess the only thing to do is write my own story..... with a few embellishments of course....





She stood on the mountain and could hardly believe what she had done.  The years behind her, they were nothing compared to the years ahead.  But this time she would be ready.  There would be no hesitation, no backing down.  As the edge of the mountain beckoned her heart sped, beating her ribcage, a poor trapped bird dying for release.  Though her mind tried to shuck off the notion she stared bravely at the void.  No.  This was going to happen.  She was going to jump.  No stopping now.

So.

                                       D 
                                   E     
                                 P
                       U M    
She              J

For Whoever Suffers

Writing a post on a blog that no one reads or cares about is surely the way to communicate the things I want to tell my family and friends. 

Don't worry, sarcasm hand is raised.

I don't mind that no one reads this.  That's not the point of it.  The reason why I sporadically write this blether is because I like to write and why not write certain things so that anyone else could find them at any given time?

But I'm becoming side-tracked.  The reason for this post is simple.  I have a friend who suffers and knows what they need to do in order to not suffer.  At this point in time, they are still trying to decide whether or not they want to continue on suffering because being happy is hard work and maybe it's too hard for them.

We all come to this point in our lives.  There is always a time when we are brought low, sometimes more than once, in order to make the decision we were sent here to make; happy for eternity? or happy for this short moment in time?

No one else can make this decision for us.  There is no support system of people or fiction strong enough to give us a semblance of stability while we make this choice.  This choice decides our eternal futures.

I pray that whoever suffers in the world will choose to be happy for eternity and then will search for the path to that eternity.  It does exist.  I promise you.

Foolish in Life

Bilings, Montana LDS Temple

I have said silly things, things that need not have been said.  I have told people too much about myself and let too many of my foolish thoughts out into the world.  But that's okay.

Maybe it's the way I am, maybe I'm just young and that's how it's going to be until I grow older and more at home with myself.  I don't know, but either way I am okay with it. 

I'm happy with mistakes.  I'm happy with bad decisions and silly choices.

Because that is life.  That is why I came here.  I came to this earth with everyone else trying to make myself into something great.  I left my Father in Heaven and everyone I knew and loved to experience pain and peace and joy and sorrow.  I came to be more like my Father.  And hopefully, through the atonement, I can attain the things I want.  I can move on to the next stage of life with joy and hope and the glory of God shining all around.

I don't know what this life will bring me.  I don't know what is to come for me.

But I know that through God's mercy and love, I can accomplish anything.


Goodness I sound so Christian hahahaha.

Sacrament in the LDS Church

I love the sacrament. For those who do not know, it is an ordinance we of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints perform every week in remembrance of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and a renewal of the covenants we have made during baptism to take upon ourselves the name of Christ, obey the commandments, and serve the Lord.

It is a time to remember the sacrifice Christ made for us in the garden when He took upon Himself the spiritual pain and suffering of the world. It is a time to remember the physical suffering experienced on the cross for us.

Because of this, I love sacrament. I can remember the atonement throughout the week, I can read the scriptures and I can strive for the Spirit. But sacrament is a time set aside specifically for this purpose and for the renewal of my covenants and the Spirit dwells there. I feel that much closer to God during sacrament, feel that much more my insignificance and the many, many mercies and blessings He has bestowed upon me.

Sacrament is a huge part of my life. It is a precious time for me, a sacred time. I hope one day everyone may get the opportunity to experience the peace present in a sacrament meeting.

This is My Life

This is the life I have been given. This is the joy and glory and goodness I have received from a wonderful and merciful Father in Heaven. How I have been blessed, why I have been blessed, I will never know.

This feeling of goodness, the Spirit in all its light and happiness and peace. This is life. This. and This. and This. All is good and kind and mine and not mine at all. I don't know the future. I don't know the middle of my story. But I know the beginning. And I know the end. Side by side, hand in hand, kneeling before the glory of God with my loved ones.

I have been given so many blessings. My favorite at the moment is the ability to appreciate all forms of beauty. The soft, caressing beauty of a clear stream, the striking beauty of a winter's blue sky, the curling, twisted fingers of the winter trees.

Goodness, wonder, kindness, charity, mercy, gratitude.

These are the things that live on, these feelings right here and right now. These are the things that become a part of the spirit, a part of the soul. They change who we are and make us who we will become.

We are who we are. We are who we choose to be.

New Home

I love my new home in Jackson. I love the people and the nature and the culture. It is where I am meant to be. I don't know where Father in Heaven will have me settle down, or if I ever will, but I want it to be in a place like Jackson.

I've changed a lot recently and I'm pursuing a path many have tried to follow but have lost heart and quite literally faith on the way. I don't want that to happen.

(This can be applied in the life of anyone who is trying to reach a goal or aspiration.)

The one thing that keeps me going, the one thing that helps me overcome temptations, is remembering why I need to overcome why I need to stay humble and submissive to the will of the Father.

I want to live in eternal happiness. True happiness with a capital T. There are many cheap copies of joy, but I believe I have found a True, untainted, perfect form and I believe that I have found the way to attain that perfection through hard work and diligence. There are many who believe this is folly, many who couldn't care less, and many who agree with me. Either way, I believe and I testify that the way to Truth and Light is through the Gospel as taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I pray daily for the courage to be able to say this in any circumstance, before any audience.

It is an eternal process, having faith, but I am determined to stick with it, to always return to it when I falter. Because there is no feeling in the world that can compare with the company of the Holy Ghost and I am determined to never shun His presence.

"O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away and my strength slacken because of mine afflictions?
And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yeah, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul."
2 Nephi 4:26-28

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do as the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."
1 Nephi 3:7 (italics added)

I know not many will read this, but I don't mind. I hope that those who do will do so with open minds and soft hearts that they may feel the truth in my words and be inspired to seek out more knowledge, and that they may be blessed to look in the right places for that knowledge. You don't read a physics book to prepare for a history test.