Insecure with Love

I'm insecure with love.
I'm so strong, and can love so fiercely when it comes to the love of a sister or daughter or friend... but when it comes to love from a male.

I crumble.
I become insecure.

I tremble with the fear that they don't love me back.

Because they don't.

I've fallen into the illusion of love.

None of it was real.

All of it was wishful, painful thinking.

So I hope.

Oh I hope with all my heart.

That when I do fall truly in love...

That the moment I think it,
I will feel the reassurance that it is true...

That the moment I think of it as a possibility,
that it will rise within me as an irrefutable fact...


That it's not just in my mind.
That it's not just my feeble wishes.

That not only do I know that I feel true love for him
but that I also know that he feels true love for me.





I try and come up with all of these ways to make myself feel better.


Sometimes it works.


Sometimes I just feel inside that it's not enough.
That I'll just always feel insecure.

That I won't have that true love until I face my insecurity and stop wanting so badly the love from a man whether he be like a brother, father, or friend.

That I'll never stop wanting it so badly, because I'll never have a love from brother or father figures and friends.

That the only love guaranteed to me from a man is the love of a husband.
At least, that's what I tell myself.




But I must turn my thoughts away.

I worry too much.

Maybe some day I'll get rid of my insecurity.

Maybe some day I'll actually accept the love of a father figure, instead of push it away because I'm afraid.

For now, I need to hide it.

For now, I need to tuck it away.

For now, I'll bide my time.

Until the day comes

When I get some sort of love.

When I find security from the love of Heavenly Father and Heavenly Brother.

When I decide that that love is enough.

That it is enough.

Now matter how much I wish it to be different.